Size Matters
by BunniesAndBooks
Summary: Fill to an old GKM prompt. The New Direction guy's are hanging out and end up measuring their dicks. Turns out two of the guys are much bigger than expected…


**GKM prompt #4 for the night: Tina says that the rumor about Asian guys is not true. When Kurt was doing his pelvic thrusts in "Le Jazz Hot" I could swear I could see something large moving. So, Kurt and Mike have the biggest dicks in New Directions. Both are rather shy though so they don't bring attention to themselves. Then the other guys find out. Reactions.**

**Didn't really get as porny as it could have been, que the rating ;)**

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"_The rumor about asian men? Not true." _

Mike was glad that so much had been going on with all the other guys in glee that rumors week months ago, that everybody had dealt with their own stuff to really take notice to what his girlfriend had said at Brittany's internet show about him, how she had insinuated that he was, well… erm, well equipped.

Which he guesses is true, sure. He's watched enough porn over the years to know he is on the larger side of things.

He doesn't like to broadcast it though. He's not like Puck who can go on and on about 'Puckzilla' and everything surrounding the topic. He's content the way things are, that it's only really him and Tina who knows anything about it. It really is nobody's business but theirs.

That is why it is so disheartening when Puck yet again begins to rave about his latest conquests, this time as they play Call of Duty at the Hudmel house. They're all here, all the New Direction guys, even Kurt was present – though Mike suspects it's only because Finn begged him to or something, and he probably only agreed if he was allowed to bring his boyfriend, meaning that Blaine was also here.

Mike likes Blaine. He's not stuck up like he'd first thought he would be, prep school boy and all.

Not that Mike knows that much about him, but he's funny and can dance well enough when he's not doing that boring two step shuffle with the Warblers. And he seems to treat Kurt like he deserves, seems to make him smile more than anyone else so there's really not much to complain about.

But anyway, Puck…

"Dude, you should have seen Mrs. Nash yesterday. Fuck, the way her tits bounced when she rode the Puckzilla was fucking epic! And she was so damned tight man, could hardly fit Puckzilla in her…"

"Is it truly necessary to constantly sing your own praises like this Noah? Because while I do comprehend that none of you are particularly inclined to listening to me discuss the travesty of your so called outfit Noah, it certainly doesn't mean we should be required to you listing all of your recent exploits with Mrs. Nash."

All Mike can really think is a heartfelt 'thank you Kurt!' when the countertenor interrupts Puck's tirade, because one truly can listen one too many times about the sexual natures of the cougars in Lima, something which Puck has proved him time and time again. Never again will he be able to look at Mrs. Cornell down the street from his house without seriously wanting to either laugh his ears off or puke his guts out.

'Thanks for that Puckerman,' Mike thinks with a shudder as he pushes the buttons on his controller frantically to avoid himself getting killed in the game.

He doesn't really know how, but somehow Mike manages to block out almost everything of the fallowing argument, only hearing small snippets here and there as Puck and Kurt bicker at each other.

"…like a shark, needs it to survive…"

"…disgusting, what would Quinn…"

"…they're fucking MILF's man…"

"…sex-crazed Neanderthal…"

"…double D cups…"

"…other things in life…"

It's enough to make one's eyes roll every time one catches something they're saying.

Call of Duty, he'd signed himself up for a stupid game of Call of Duty, not an argument about Puck's behavior towards sex. What had they possibly done to deserve this?

Mike's attention was won over however when Puck with a loud yell of "Fine, watch this!" had rung through the room, immediately followed by the footballers ragged jeans being pulled down by his own hands, revealing himself fully naked from the waist down.

Mike so didn't need to see this. At least not like this.

An accidental peek in the locker rooms – fine. But this blatantly in the Hudmel living room?

No, just no.

What the hell was Puck trying to accomplish with this anyway? What could he possibly have to gain from taking off his pants in a room full of teenage boys playing video games?

"_This_ is why all the MILF's come running back, dude." Puck says with a smirk motioning his junk proudly.

Of course. Of fucking course.

Leave it to Puckerman to think that the absolute best way to explain why the MILF's around town like him is by showing off his own penis.

"How appropriate of you Noah, you're such a gentleman…" Kurt begins sarcastically looking up at the roof with a blush on his cheeks, seemingly avoiding the sight of a half naked Puck at all costs. "…but please enlighten me to why you could possibly think this was a good idea?"

Though it isn't Puck that speaks next, instead it's Finn who with an innocent smile state that "Dude, man, I'd thought you'd be like, bigger y'know? The way you always say you're like so huge and stuff, but you're like, just as big as me, if not shorter."

And now that Mike thinks about it, Puck really isn't as big as he'd always boosted himself up to be. He's pretty average actually, kinda thick yeah, but not really that long at all. Easily far from the monster he'd claimed to hide in his pants. Not that he'd ever say that to the bulky jock himself, no, he's rather fond of being alive…

"Oh yeah?" Puck taunts the tall teen back. "Think you're bigger than me? Well, prove it!"

What fallows next is the single most weird experience in Mike's life, and that's saying something considering he's spent the last two years of his life in glee, every week doing one crazy assignment after another.

One by one they all pull out and measure their dicks.

Mike wonders if a boy's night out really was worth it as he pulls himself out of his pants, just knowing how the guys around him all stare at his penis as Puck measures him. Not that there's really any doubt in his mind, he's much bigger than everyone else so far. The one closest to himself at the moment is surprisingly Artie - though he's not even a full inch longer than Puck - so when Puck finally draws back with a chocked "Ten inches…" the guys are all pretty much left baffled and staring shamelessly.

Well, apart from Kurt who is still insisting on gazing at the roof.

"Yo, Princess," Puck shouts when he finally remembers what they're doing after Mike has tucked himself back in. "Your turn."

"And why, pray tell Noah, should I condone to doing this?" Kurt wonders rolling his eyes, which end up losing some of its power as they're still trained upwards, but one can still tell how annoyed the countertenor is with the entirety of the situation.

"Just because you're embarrassed Princess doesn't mean you can back out now." Kurt scoffs at that but Puck drawls on. "I know there's like no way you're like even close to Hung Other Asian over there," Puck says motioning at him, and Mike wonders if he should appreciate that nickname or plead him to never ever say it again, but he keeps listening as he finishes, "but you shouldn't be that much smaller than the rest of us."

One can see how furious Kurt is despite how he tries to control his face. The blush really isn't from embarrassment or whatever it was before, now he's red because he's angry. The balled up fists at his sides only proves this further.

"Come on dude," Finn pleads and Mike can hear Kurt mutter out a short "Don't call me dude" at that that Mike almost wants to laugh at, because it's just so Kurt, but he doesn't. "We already did it, it's no biggie, it will be over in like, a minute. 'Kay bro?"

"Just do it Kurt," Blaine says too, though he smiles fondly at the effeminate teen. "You know they won't stop bugging you until you do it, so just get it over with and we can go to your room and cuddle."

"Fine." Kurt's furious as he unbuttons and pulls down the zipper of his pants, finally shoving the fabric down along with his briefs before crossing his arms and looking them all haughtily in the eyes. "Happy?"

Mike's not really that surprised with what he sees, not considering some of the outfits Kurt's worn over the years. Some of those pants really had hidden nothing.

But it is clear that to some of the guys – or make that all of the guys – it's nothing short of a surprise to see that Kurt is pretty much just as hung as Mike himself. Looking around Mike can see how almost all of them are sitting there with their mouths hanging open, all of them staring even more than they did with him.

A minute goes by without anyone moving, apart from Kurt who transports his weight from one leg to the other where he stands.

Then all hell breaks loose.

"What the hell Princess?!"

"Dude, how can you even like, fit in those jeans of yours? Don't they like, cut your dick off or something?"

"So that's why Brittany was always talking about her dolphin!"

"Ha tsawl! …I wonder if that could fit in my mouth?"

Blaine and himself ends up being the only ones that doesn't say anything, though Mike suspect the only reason Blaine isn't saying anything is because he simply can't. He's still gaping like a fish, mouth opening and closing around nothing as he stares between Kurt's legs, though his eyes have darkened considerately over the past minute.

Oh wow, Mike really shouldn't keep watching. Say, is that a new painting hanging there?

When no one makes a move to measure him Kurt sighs and bends down to pick up his pants again. Once he's buttoned up and covered again he looks around the room defiantly, a tiny smirk hiding in the corners of his lips.

"Come on Blaine, let's go cuddle."

Blaine is almost on the other side of the room by the time Kurt stops speaking, and one can hear the countertenors giggles as he fallows his frenzied boyfriend upstairs.

Hmm. Maybe this would be an ideal time to call it quits before any uncomfortable noises will undoubtedly travel downstairs…

"Guh! Blaine!"

O…kay, maybe he should go visit Tina… Like right now.

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**Translation: Ha Tsawl! - So Big! (Had to! Sam's such an Avatar geek, couldn't resist! :)**


End file.
